Alice Adrianna La fille Atomique; NOT!!

-Alice Adrianna is a very random person right now.

-Alice Adrianna says this is as random as she can get.

-Alice Adrianna is referring herself as a third person.

-Alice Adrianna is listening to Je Ne Veux Pas Travailler and doesn't understand it.

-Alice Adrianna is drinking hot milo.

-Alice Adrianna thinks life's a bitch.

-Alice Adrianna is not feeling good about herself.

-Alice Adrianna had low self-esteem.

-Alice Adrianna has a headache 3-6 times a day everyday nowadays.

-Alice Adrianna suddenly likes dark chocolate.

-Alice Adrianna cannot wait till her brother comes back.
-Alice Adrianna is stressed about prom because she has a confirmed yet unconfirmed prom date.
-Alice Adrianna asks herself why she is waiting for that prom date and not anybody else?
-Alice Adrianna answers to her own question.
-Alice Adrianna is eating chocolates.
-Alice Adrianna will answer her own question now.
-Alice Adrianna waits for her prom date because it is too late to get a replacement.
-Alice Adrianna wants to get to know her prom date as a new best friend.
-Alice Adrianna wants prom to be memorable which is why she decided to go with him.
-Alice Adrianna will go with this guy because she feels it unnecessary to bring someone you're in love with to prom.
-Alice Adrianna will be disappointed if her prom date cancels on her.
-Alice Adrianna tells herself that she shouldn't bother about prom. it's just PROM.
-Alice Adrianna says she may say that it's JUST prom, but it's actually a HUGE DEAL to her.
-Alice Adrianna wants a corsage. HAHA. (so not in topic)
-Alice Adrianna just plain wants to have fun at prom.
-Alice Adrianna thinks that if her prom date does not take her to prom, she shall get disappointed; but will get over it eventually; she hopes.
-Alice Adrianna does not hold grudges to people who cancels on her; she cries about it to herself. 

-Alice Adrianna says that her journal in her deviantart is gonna be the exact same thing typed out here.

-Alice Adrianna wants you to view her deviantart.

-Alice Adrianna tells you to click on the "My Deviantart" link in "My Own" on the side.

-Alice Adrianna wants you to check out her DEVIANTART.
-Alice Adrianna would like to infor you that she is La Fille Atomique.

-Alice Adrianna is done; THE END.

P/S: 
-Alice Adrianna is emo-ing; and dying.

May Your Soul Rest in Peace, Papa.

May Allah Bless His Soul.

On the 15th of September, as I was sitting for my Mathematics paper, I kept thinking about Papa's phone call just before the paper. He asked, "When are you coming to see me?!", and I told him, "Later Pa, in the afternoon. I'm having my trials. Sorry." I dozed off for awhile during one of the papers. I had a short dream that Affendy and I were called to the school office and mama sat there crying. I woke up instantly and had a strange feeling inside. 

Right after the last paper, there was an announcement for Affendy and I to go to the school office. My heart was racing at the fact that my driver decided to call us around 10 minutes before the bell rang whereas he could just wait for us to come down after school. When I saw my driver's expression and the sympathetic look from Encik Kamarul, I knew something tragic had happened. I asked the driver why we had to go home early, and well, he just stopped and said, "Kita kena pergi cepat. Atok dah meninggal." I couldn't care less about anything else anymore and i quickly dashed to the car crying. There was pure silence in the car. I cried and cried while Affendy did his part by asking the driver questions about the whole incident and sighed every once in a while.

It seems that the only person there when Papa answered the call of our Creator was Mama. That morning, Mama asked Papa to eat, and he kept refusing and said that he was going to die. Mama kept telling him that he'll be okay. He vomited blood and Mama called the nurse. After vomiting a few times, Papa was gone like that. Mama didn't realize straight away because she thought he was sleepy. About two minutes later, Mama felt him and he was cold all over; he had left us. 

When Affendy and I arrived at the hospital, we went to the ward where Papa breathed his final breath. Mama was there and I rushed to hug her. We cried and cried. Mak Yang and Farah Came and everyone in the room was full of tears. We couldn't believe that our man of the family, the fighter, had lost his last battle to The Almighty Allah. We were quite grateful that he passed away during the holy month of Ramadhan. 

Some relatives and friends of Papa took their emergency leave from work and rushed to the hospital. Those from other countries took the first flight to KL as soon as they heard the news. We decided that the funeral would go on the next day as many relatives from other states and countries were on their way. We cleaned Papa's body and wrapped him in the "Kain Kapan" and placed him in the coffin. The coffin was then to be taken to our house from Selayang Hospital. The Mortuary van took Mama and I home with the coffin in it. Pak Ngah sat next to the driver. When we reached home, many of papa's relatives and friends had already been waiting inside and outside the house. This made mama cry even more. I couldn't stand to see her grieving like that. I held her hand as she received condolences from everyone there. We all read Yasin for him many times. That night, the body rested in the hall of our home facing the Qiblat while many people took turns reading the Quran and Yasin for him. Most of us didn't sleep. My cousins and I took turns taking care of the body by reading Yasin next to him. Papa's sisters and a few other relatives and friends slept at the house. The next day was the funeral.

The next morning, we all ate our Sahur in silence. The house had lost a dearly beloved. He was usually the one that brought light to our lives. He was the life wire of a party, a true gentleman, a melodious singer, but most importantly, a great Husband, Father, Brother, Cousin, Grandfather, Uncle and friend to many. Those who have worked for him told us how honoured they were working under his supervision. 

We had prayers for him 3 days in a row. On the 40th day, we'll have some more prayers for him. 

Tan Sri Dato' Haji Ahmad Sabki bin Jahidin, you will be dearly missed by family and friends. We hope your soul rests in peace.

48 Years of A Strong & Beautiful Marriage.

The Burial of The Deceased.

I Miss You, Papa.

Al-Fatihah kepada arwah Allahyarham Tan Sri Dato' Haji Ahmad Sabki bin Jahidin.

hold on dear life.

i'm in a phase where i'm trying to change for the better. and i think it's working a little, but i'm not one to judge myself.

but how can i go through this without having the feeling that i wanna confront people when i know something's wrong? and i might sound very selfish when i say this but when everyone keeps talking about themselves only and never seem to bother about me anymore, what am i supposed to do? sit down and keep quiet about it? well in my case, i have no say in this. even if it IS my own problem. i'm just scared i might screw up again. i mean like, i wanna say it but i can't. not in a detailed way la. but i feel so depressed. and now that she's no longer the one i cry my heart out to anymore since our friendship has died, i don't know how i can go through this any longer, i don't know who to complain to anymore. i don't know where's this friend i need to listen to stuff that i don't have to say to everyone else but him/her. 

if i keep this problem tucked away inside my heart for any longer, i might just crack. not mental crack, i'll have an emotional breakdown. nervous breakdown. and i can't take that right now. i don't know why my life feels so screwed up right now. isn't life supposed to be filled with screw ups that tend to get better in time? well, my problems just never seem to fade away. 

don't post any shoutouts saying i need therapy or i need to relax and calm down because that won't work. it'll just make things worse. make me feel worse than i already am. all i need is well; a friend. that friend that i can be my true self with. that friend that will still think of me as a good egg even if i'm already slightly cracked. that friend who would call me for 3 hours without each other saying a word and will put down the phone feeling like it was one of the most important long conversations we've ever had. but will that ever happen? at this point, my answer is NO.

wherever you are, i'm waiting. i need that friend. oh please God, send me that friend that i can talk to properly soon. the friend i would count as my sister or brother even if we weren't related by the slightest drop of blood or marriage.

This poem is dedicated to all my friends who have always been there for me.

Thanks for being there for me,
through good times and bad times.
I will be on your side even if the the world ends.
When the world is going,
I will be here,
now and until the end. 
You're my very good friends.
The ones that I look up to.
The ones that I run to, when I have a problem.
The ones that I talk to.
You're the friends who were always there for me.
I wanna thank you for all the things you gave and showed me.

And to you that left me.

I thought I had found the perfect friend,
But it only took about a week for that to end,
I thought there was hope left in my life,
But as it turns out, it was only added strife,
I thought for once I had done something right,
But I quickly corrected that oversight,
I thought I wasn’t useless or a bore,
But I was all that and even more,
I thought there was a purpose to my days,
But that was only a very short phase,
I thought you weren’t like all the rest,
But like those before, you failed the test,
I thought you would stay with me, at least for a bit,
But you decided it was better just to quit,
I thought life was worth living for a moment in time,
But the life I wanted could never be mine,
I thought the hunger inside had been fed,
But now I know, I was just being misled.
And now I think I’ve found another perfect friend,
How long before my heart is broken again?

and most importantly, to the friend i long to find soon.

I need to know if you’re my true friend, will you be by my side until the end? Can I tell you my secrets deep, and trust them in your heart you’ll keep? We are neither of us without our flaws, can you accept mine as I will yours? I’ll be a shoulder to cry on when you’re blue, will you be there for me when I need you? No matter how busy I will make time for you, if you are busy will you make time for me too? I will take your hand and comfort your tears, will you hold me and soothe my fears? I will give you joy and many warm smiles, can we share that even across many miles? I will not forget what’s important to you, will you remember what’s important to me too? With you my most favourite things I’ll share, If only I know do you truly care? If you can accept me as I do you, then I will know you are a friend most true.

well now, that felt a lot better; in a way.

byebye.