me, full stop.

you know, for a girl who others THINK that has EVERYTHING(which is not true), i don't feel happy. AT ALL. sure, i'm very lame in front of everyone and all, i laugh at almost everything that happens around me, but the truth is, i hate my life. you see, i don't lead the life of a great rich wealthy bitch; even when others think that i do. 

this blog is mainly about how i really feel and stuff. i mean i'll sound VERY SELF-CENTERED here as if the WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME but i know it doesn't and i'm just trying to make a statement about how sad i feel. it IS true that when you're feeling awful, write something; or in this case, type something down to release all your emotions and you'll feel all better.

1. The weight problem

okay, my weight problem is a huge issue but if you knew what i were going through then everyone would just zip it about the whole me being too fat thing. i mean like, i got gila insulted by this salesperson at a shop when i wanted to try this seriously gila stretchable dress. she said that she felt that i wouldn't fit it so i shouldn't try it. i bet she thought i was gonna spoil it by being too fat and tearing the dress apart. i mean like, it was stretchable. and even better, it was sized XL. what the hell are you trying to prove lah stupid salesperson. i already know i'm fat but you don't have to rub it in my face as if everybody else doesn't every other day. and also, whenever i go to shops to see dresses and stuff, the salesperson would follow me and like make a face if i wanna look at small dresses just coz they're pretty. i was just LOOKING, they wanna make asshole face as if they think i wanna try it lah? STUPID. as if it isn't already wrong that i look at the dresses or clothes or whatever, when i look at belts or bags or other accessories also they wanna make stupid face. what? fat people cannot be into fashion ah? yes, i'm starting to sound as if i hate everyone and i'm the most important person in the world but trust me, i am completely SANE and i know where i stand. just like every other person does. okay well another story is about the friends of my grandparents or even anyone la. i mean like, yes i respect all of them and they're very nice. but each time i see them, they would bring up topics like "ohh myyy, you've grown la girl. the last time i saw you, you were this small! so pretty la. but you have to lose weight la." i mean like, i know you wanna show that you care, but, it's as if you haven't already rubbed it in the last 500 times i saw you. it hurts la.

2. i'm never good enough

no matter what i do, i never get enough credit. oh yeah, unless it involves money.=(

i hate life la. i mean like, everyone gets their fair share of attention but apparently i don't. some people lah kan, if they ask someone else what's going on or if they're okay, when the person says it's nothing, they force it out of them. but when i say it's nothing it's like, "oh ok it's nothing." hmmh. not that i want a lot of attention, but it's just a statement that i'm treated differently than others. sometimes i wonder why i even seem to exist in this world. and like, when i'm really bad, i understand la that i am not a good person and don't deserve anything from anyone. but then when i am nice, i still don't get anything in return! it's not like i'm really desperate or do something just because i want something in return, it's like, usually normal people would appreciate what others do for them. at least a compliment would do. i did this project once. only very few people helped me. and like, only few people were there for me. but i didn't get credit for it. then i had to do a project for someone else, and everyone helps, but they want it to be the greatest project ever. they did anything and everything for the project to be a hit. tak ke terasa? i mean like, i don't mind how they wanted that other project to be awesome, but like, compared to my project it was like shit. yes, it was THAT BAD. i'm not gonna say which subject this project was for, and neither am i referring to any particular person, and i am not bitching about the people here but just wanna point out that i felt very hurt. like i'm not nice enough to be appreciated. i know, i know, you'll all probably be like, ohh, that girl needs help la. you don't coz you have everything in the world at your feet. well, just so you know, i DON'T have everything and all i want is for people to be there for me and actually show that they care. i know a project may seem like a small matter to you. but if you knew how it felt, GOSH you'd wanna cry tears of blood everyday.)':

3. i like you but you like her even if she likes him

okay get this, each time i fall for a guy; he likes someone else. i'm not saying this about just one guy. it's about every guy. did you know that my exes are actually people who actually like a different girl but then i talk to them a lot, and like, become a good friend and in the end i become their girlfriend. it's like, i'm not desperate but when i like a guy, i talk to him  -a LOT.

and like, when we break up and he says that he'll never get another girl and all that shit, i already know it's all lies. they would either get together with their best friend, or pretend to flirt with me when he's actually going for someone else. damn, i feel so used. but what to do? like i said in point number 2, i'm never good enough therefore i never get enough credit for doing anything; even being a girlfriend. that's why when i let a guy from now on, i don't flirt with him. i tell him to go for the girl that he likes. it's like, i'm now officially a matchmaker. wth?=.="

but i mean like, there's no point hinting a guy that wouldn't fall for you and already likes someone else, even if that other girl likes a diff person. yes, my life is awfully terrible. and i'm not saying it in a selfish way. everyone has their problems. but this is my blog, so why not post about MY problems? that's the whole point of blogging now ain't it?XD

4. friendships

i love my friends, no really; i do. but you know when i get a best friend, i mean like i sayang him or her to bits coz they're a really great friend, all of a sudden they like, buat bodoh with me and give other people more credit. as in like, i know my standards la. like, nobody ever tells me that i'm their best friend. maybe i don't have one. maybe they couldn't care less about me to actually point out in one way or another that i AM their best friend. i mean they don't have to point it out at my face and tell me i'm their best friend coz everyone knows it can be so fake sometimes. and never ever say that right before you ask for a favour or after i do the favour, coz it seems too good to be true. telling someone that you're their best friend is very corny, cheesy and everything related to that. but then when you tell someone straight from the heart and are being honest about it, you will know if they are for real. it's hard for me to find who is my best friend even though i already have a few people who i really feel like i can trust and that they're my best friends. but then nanti some people would say mana boleh ada so many best friends? but what to do, that's how i roll. but so far i'm really grateful for the "close friends"(the term close friends is bracketed not because it's like a means of sarcasm but it's just to point out that i don't use the term best friend) i have because since they have never used me in the term "best friend", i shall remain silent until that faithful day comes, and i hope it would be soon.XD

5. money money oh so funny

yes, i know i shouldn't bring this up. but then sometimes i feel like most people are friends with me because of that. there was once this group of people who were organizing this event that asked me to help organize the party as well. i refused to accept their offer because i wanna have to not worry about not having fun and only stressing when the event was gonna happen. but later on, i heard from one of my very reliable friends that they only wanted me to help out because they wanted me to help FINANCIALLY. everyone knows money is important, even the people who say money isn't. because everyday they wake up and go everywhere, they realize that they do need money to live. but i mean like, you can't possibly be a friend if you only rely on them for financial aids. luckily, i have chosen friends who don't really need me financially. they also need me to be there just because they need me, full stop. i love them.

well, i guess this is definitely a huge turn over as i haven't been posting blogs(long blogs) in a while. and there will be no discussion about it at all. case kinda closed, no questions asked. but i'm fine with it if you wanna bitch about me coz like i said, i know who i am and i posted this not to be a bitch but just to let out my feelings and emotions free and well, just to blog. on MY blog.

ohh before i forget.

MICHELLE!!!! TOMORROWWWWW. and THURSDAY.O=)