I'm Ready.

This is it. I'm ready. This time, no backing out. I refuse to be the cowardly girl who gets pushed around for trying to keep a person happy no matter how bad the person treats me.

I have decided that I need to toughen up. Stop being such a wuss and admitting defeat each time I find the easy way out by blaming myself for something which I clearly know nothing of. I have to stop being so gullible as to listen to everyone's rambling and gossip and believing them. I have to stop believing that I can trust a person because we have so much in common and are so close because I know now that things which are too good to be true, are actually the things that make things worse.

I am sick and tired of being kicked around whether it is by my peers or even my elders. It doesn't seem fair that I always have to be at fault and other people can behave so slyly that it provokes others to see them as a more superior person compared to myself. I do not possess any powers, I do not posses any abnormalities which makes me some superior being but I do know that I have the strength and will power to think properly when holding up a conversation as to see whether what I'm hearing is right or wrong.

I have also decided that from now on, there is no possible way that I will ever allow myself to ever trust someone wholeheartedly. Not even HALFheartedly. I do not understand why some of my friends who have known me longer can start trusting someone they met through me and listen to all the bull crap they have to offer which totally gives me a bad image and the other person gets to keep a straight face. But not for long. God himself has shown me signs which eventually lead me to finding out whatever your evil scheme is this time. You should know by now that this is how it works. In this time of our lives, we DO NOT live in our high school years anymore where most people can be more dominant than some. Everybody is the same and nobody cares if you're prettier, richer or even bitchier. But too bad for you if you choose to be bitchy, it just gets you nowhere. You'll end up living with no friends, which is pretty much happening already for someone I know. Tsk tsk. Such a pity. It was so nice knowing you.

THAT up there was what I set in my mind for future friendships to come. For now, I know who I love and I know the people who love me.

BOYS. To me, boys are cowards now. I've had quite a few boys who flirted with me and even confessed that they loved me but did not want to take our friendship to the next level. Don't worry guys, I know why. Its because I'm fat. Introducing me to your friends who have girlfriends the size of twigs and less would make you feel embarrassed that you have a fat girlfriend. Not pretty too, at that. I don't care, because to me, those who are scared of that are stereotypically challenged people who have no other worries in life except showing off what they can find, even if they don't love the person. To those who love them, I understand and I respect that. But to those who are so shy to show the person they truly love to the world, that's just plain stupid.

So, to those guys who are so scared to hold my hand in public and make excuses such as "my mom's friends will see us" and so on, I say SCREW YOU. May you have a happy life regretting your loss.

I'm happy with my life right now and I think this change that I'm slowly developing is actually making me stronger in a way. Well, I guess I need some shut eye right now. Travelling around to look for Damansara while going through the same toll twice with Nadya in the awfully crowded jam made me really drowzy.

Raya coming!

Prepare those angpows you've been saving up to give me yeah, darlings.

ilypsfm.

xxoo,

Adrienne.♥♥