the past few days.

i haven't posted anything for quite a few days and i feel weird. coz i'm so used to it. hahah!XD

well, the other day, siti(what sabira's called now), zharf, nurul and i went to oldtown. as usual. HAHAH. nurul and zharf went to the gym while siti and i stayed there after we all had nasi lemak and siti had noodles. there was water dripping from the aircond above us, but none went into the food. LOL lucky us eyy? anywhoo, siti and i went online. it was fun catching up on things with her, since i kinda didn't talk to her for awhile but we sorted things out in the end! and i'm so happy that we did.(:

papa was moved to the high dependancy ward and he wasn't quite himself. anyways, he's getting better la. except for the fact that he had blood in his phlegm. doctors and nurses are monitoring him so it's all good. i hope he gets to come home soon.

popo aliya is here!!! i missed her so much. she's such a cute grandaunt ya know? hahah. she arrived yesterday at noon. we were so glad she finally came. but at the age of 83, she's really strong to be travelling alone all the way from america with like, 3 bags. 3 BIG BAGS. she's staying here for a month. she followed us to visit papa yesterday and she was glad to see that he was doing good. she bought me a nice top too!! i love the fact that my grandma and grandaunts have amazing taste in clothing.(: she was so tired by the time we were on the way home.

well, gonna write another post in a while. LOL.XD

coz i didn't continue this post after so many days.;p

hahah byebye. see you in a minute.

Eman Ezairy.<33

Zairy, after 4 years of knowing each other, of going out together, of texting each other, you finally open up to me. and oh how sweet it was.(:

receiving flowers when you've had a rough day is certainly what melts a girl's heart. and with the effort that it was all the way from a place that takes about an hour to reach, damn it's just thrilling.

and i quote metallica:
"So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters."

and a line from hot chick:
"you're the only person that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time."

note to everyone,
after reading this post, what if i told you we're not together? what if i told you we have nothing to do with each other? that we were mere best friends and nothing more? hehee.(:

kesedihan dan kegirangan.

well i haven't updated my blog in quite a while. after my many series of daily posts i just suddenly stopped kan? well, bad news. my grandpa masuk hospital. cirrhosis of the liver. caused by hepatitis c which came GENETICALLY.

anywhoo, i've been to the hospital everyday without fail unless mama wants me to stay home to study for my exams. well, the truth is, i would still wanna go even if i don't have to. i mean like, pity la mama. she's so old. her surgery on her femur turn screw is hurting very badly now. she can't walk so much. and to go to the freaking ICU is what? 2 km?? from when you get out of the car. figure of speech. but really, it's very far. even the walk to the elevator is damn far. she needs somebody to hold her when she walks there. she was complaining on how painful it was for her. walking to the ICU and back twice everyday. i told her that she should be using a wheelchair while i push her to the ICU so that it wouldn't be so tiring for her. she didn't agree at first but then the next day she agreed when i forced her to. she is now used to it and prefers going on the wheelchair.

well, this is how papa wound up in the hospital. last saturday, mama and papa were going to a wedding. when they reached the venue of the wedding, papa suddenly felt unwell and told mama that he didn't wanna go to the wedding at all. mama gave the couple's parents the wedding present and went back to the car. she told the driver to take them to the hospital. usually papa wouldn't agree but this time he just went with the plan. on the way to the hospital, papa vomited a whole lot of blood. the driver drove even faster to the emergency ward of the hospital. i received the phone call about what happened and straight away i called my aunt and brother. my aunt rushed to my house and we took papa's things to the hospital. my brother, who was out for dinner quickly rushed to the hospital.

at the hospital, papa vomited another 3 times. imagine how much blood he lost. i was scared, we all were. the doctor took him for a scope to patch up the ulser. we found out that when papa was admitted to another hospital a week ago for a few days, they gave him medicine to make the blood thinner whereas his liver needs clotted blood so that the vessel doesn't burst due to blood thinning. frustrating, no? he had 2 scopes and he was breathing through a tube for quite a few days coz some of the blood went into his lungs and it might cause an infection. the doctors said that they blocked his lungs with a tube and he was breathing with the help of a machine as he couldn't breathe manually for the time being.

well he finally got his tube off yesterday. he tried talking but it was really hard to make out the words he was trying to say. he's weak. always sleepy. and the doctors also said he now has problems with his kidnay. haiiihhh. :(

well, hopefully all goes well and he would be discharged soon. i can't stand another day looking at how sad mama is and how she has those sleepless nights. she has to eat sleeping pills to fall asleep sometimes. yes, she's THAT frustrated. what can you expect from a 47 year old marriage??

well, on to the bright side.

PAPA'S GONNA BE MOVED FROM ICU TO A NORMAL WARD TOMORROW!! i hope he will be a lot better. and i can't wait to see food go down his throat after being starved for 10 days. not exactly starved la but when you see a family member of yours being filled with water everyday and no food is fed to him, it hurts la. you actually feel the hunger he goes through. and i do hope the swelling goes down. i mean like, papa used to be skinny. and now his whole body is swollen.

i remember yesterday when they took the tube out, i asked papa if he needed anything. and he said "smack your bottom". HAHAHA. damn funny ryte??!!:p

i miss papa being at home, i miss laughing at papa and mama at the dinner table, i miss blocking the tv for fun when papa's watching a programme. i miss PAPA. hope he gets out soon. we're having a DOA SELAMAT this wednesday at my house for papa. InsyaAllah it will help.

byebye then.(:

xxoo!~

AliceSabiraZharfNurulFizzySayidiAidilShafake lepak day; my new decleration.

so i'm at Old Town in desa and i just met a new friend? yeke? HAHAH. Fizzy la his name. he has funny hair.

ANYWHOO, had agama paper today. safe to say it was NORMAL. i mean paper one was stressful but i wrote 4 pages of answers. i doubt i got much right though. well i didn't exactly talk a lot with people today. emo kot. HAHAH. MONDAY NO PAPER. well got addmaths ah. but then i don't freaking take it! btw gan damn funny kan? he was impersonating so many things.

GAN KOK SIANG received an EIFFEL TOWER key chain from Iman Alia just now. knowing gan, he would do something shitass funny la ryte! he stuck the key chain in his tie and he said "look! paris BULLton" PAHAHAH. i mean not funny but well, you know gan's expression. and he did an impersonation of someone randomly and now it's his trademark. i still love "PAPA WAS A ROLLING STONE" though. you know eiffel tower has like four sides kan? four really small sides. so they put the word "france" on one side and the word "paris" on one side and gan is going to paris one day. so i told him he better make sure there is the writing on the real eiffel tower. LAME, i know, but that's what we do! and he told me i have to go to school when i have no exams. i knowla. i actually LAUGH LIKE MAD and appreciate his lame random jokes.

well, 2 other guys joined us. sayidi and aidil. oh yeah, they all dyed their hair. including the fizzy guy. i mean they have it in the same colour! but all diff and weird styles la. sayidi got tompok tompok, fizzy got on the front only and aidil got half half. like joker's face in batman kinda half. and ohh!! finally a guy singing paramore song. he sang along to misery business. LOL.XD
i mean not like any guy has never sang that song but it's RARE. HAHAH. kudos to ya dude. if you ever read this.

and the trend of saying "awak" is gonna get to my head. NOOO!!!! imagine me saying awak to hari and michelle. LOL.XD
but it's kinda cute la. HAHAH. they're really nice people to be with la. and i had 2 drinks already. the chocolate drink and white coffee.
they're like SO CAMWHORING ryte now. HAHAH.XD

nvm nvm i can just camwhore in my toilet or with my cousins when they come. IF they come. HAHAHAH.

ohh currently addicted to CRY by RIHANNA.

this time is different
felt like i was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife
when you walked out of my life
now i'm in this condition
and i got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart
but no matter what
you'll never see me cry.

TIDAK DITUJUKAN KEPADA SIAPA-SIAPA. just like it kayh?

byebye.

love, ALOOSHYOONOOYOONOO.
you like that don't cha.;p
*dedicated to zharf*

ohh p/s: shafake was there 10 minutes earlier when we were at first table. LOL.XD

saying my prayers hoping tomorrow will be a brighter day.

exam stress, family problems, post breakup problems, friends not telling me anything problems, study stress, and a whole lot more. those things have turned me into someone even i myself don't like. i'm still keeping the post about fat people coz i know somehow many people feel the same. and it's not only fat people who feel this but somehow i wrote mainly about fat coz i was so hurt yesterday by something. you get what i mean. even skinny and normal sized people get hurt too. and it's not only a size issue, even homosexuals get the same problem. or the not so wealthy.

well, had a stressful math paper today. DAMN IT WAS SO HARD THAT I THINK SOME PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE SHIT IN THEIR PANTS. okay, not THAT hard. but still; VERY HARD. est was okay but the essay part pretty confusing ey? HAHAH.XD


after a while of thinking, you're never right. i mean even when you start thinking you are, think twice and there will be a mistake. unless you're talking academically la. even i feel that i make a whole lot of mistakes everyday. well, for instance, i don't even realise when i've hurt somebody. but now i do la. HAHAH. but i try not to hurt people anymore as hard as i can.

truth is, when i first went to Hartamas school last year, i wanted to be friends with many people. no, not be popular but have friends la. friends to spend good times with and not talk bad about people behind their backs. but being the new girl, i didn't know who clicked and couldn't click with who. but i was friends with both parties. then without realising the truth about it, one party would ask me what the other party and they would start making rumors and add a lot of horrid things that i did not say about the other party but put the blame on ME. that's how i make enemies in life. by NOT NOTICING it. that's why now i try to be ever so careful with what i say to who after knowing who's friends and not friends with whoever else. LOL. did my homework much? social homework that is. now i keep all these secrets to the most trustworthy person i know, ME. and sometimes my brother but that's a whole other story.

well, back to the point of my blog title. i WAS praying for tomorrow to be a better brighter day but JENG JENG JENG... they changed the exam timetable. now it's all the way until 22nd may!!!!! gila lama kan. and tomorrow is ONE paper. just ONE PAPER. after recess at around 12 something. and it's all objective. what is the point we go to school i ask you? haih.

anywhoo, by the time i have nothing to post in my blog i'll do the friend tributes again. who knows, it might be you?;p

anyways, i started downloading instrumental or minus one versions of the songs i like that i think i sound nice with. and for fun, i'll resord myself singing. and if i like them i might send them to my closest friends. i only dare to embarrass myself in front of them. HAHAH. i love those people.

ohh guys you know what choclo is? for some reason in means CORN in some other language. but i like saying it! say it with me CHOCLO CHOCLO CHOCLO. HAHAH. seriously examination stress can do stuff like this to me! and onions are CHEBOLLA! so you say it with me bebeh! CHEBOLLA CHEBOLLA CHEBOLLA!!x)

there are a lot more but i don't think i remember them. HAHAH.


ohh ohh to MIRA :

EIGHT MORE MONTHS BABYHH!!! or SEVEN. LOL.XD

well byebye then!;p

alishchoclo.(alicecorn...wtf?)

xxoo~

spread some sunshine -NOT.

WARNING!! if you cepat terasa then DO NOT READ THIS. and nothing in this post specifies anyone i or you know. it's a general thing.

you know there's a time in life where some things just have to stop? i mean like, what is it with people who have a huge thing against fat people? i'm not just saying this based on my own experience but also what i've observed. i'm not saying fat guys are not discriminated, it's mainly the GIRLS.

1)FAT people are always the first targets.
when i say first targets, i don't mean in fashion shows or what guys would choose if he were looking for a girl and vice versa. i mean for instance, if suddenly a bad smell comes to your noses and you know somebody just farted, all heads automatically turn to the innocent fat person who didn't do it. EVEN WORSE, the skinny skank who IS the actual culprit looks at the fat one too. gila babi kan? everytime something negative happens; BLAME THE FAT ONE!

2)I love you for you -MY FOOT.
guys that are desperate or those average daily players who have the perfect girlfriend (you know blonde, SKINNY, beautiful, UNTOUCHABLE) would go to a fat girl, sweet talk her into falling for him. sure they go out for a while. and when that POOR FAT GIRL gets her first kiss from the god forsaken guy, he either dumps her or he would trick her into having sex with her by melting her with his words and stuff. in the end, the fat girl gets called a slut and the guy who used to date her doesn't even know her. BULLSHIT.

3)everything FAT is wrong.
when you read this section, you will realise that i'm starting to make even more sense than you already think you have. for instance, skinny girls would gather round in a group and gossip about pointless rude stuff like this, "OH EM GEE, did you see what she was wearing today?? she totally looks like that fat girl in chemistry class!" or "oh my god, i've grown fatter!(padahal 1 kg?) i TOTALLY have to go on a diet now. let's sign up to go gym together??" and sometimes, "did you guys know that hot guy in science class is dating that girl? i mean like, WHY HER??!! she is SO FAT! obesity much??!!".

4)FAT PEOPLE are the last resort.
when people are having misunderstandings or when a skank gets kicked out of her group, the person she would run to is the FAT girl. she goes to her and makes her think she's all that and she's such a good friend coz she's so gullible, in the end she dumps that girl when she gets better with her group and tells everyone in her group how much a slut or bitch the fat one was that made her not stand being friends with the fat girl any longer. STUPID. and all the group members would get shocked coz what seemed to be a very nice fat girl suddenly becomes the biggest bitch or slut in school according to their friend. obviously they'd feel weird about it but HECK, who would even TALK to the fat girl to find out if the stuff is true? what the SKANK SAYS, GOES.

5)ways people hurt FAT PEOPLE.
well one thing's for sure, those normal and skinny people don't realise how many fat people get hurt everyday. i mean why should they care anyway? they're only hurting FAT PEOPLE. you know whenever you just stand out in the corridor and the normal or hot guy wants to play around with the pretty girl they like, they would say, "eee, babe! you're getting fatter la!" and the girl, who obviously wants to stay around and flirt goes "alaa!! you jahat lahh. i know lah that i'm fat!!" and kebetulan the fat person walks by from the toilet or one of the guys who are friends with the hot guy comes out of class to ask him something is right behind him. he would go like "ehh err.." and the hot guy would ask "what is it bro?" and he would fake memory loss and say, "oh it's nothing man. i guess i just forgot." and the girl would move back to the toilet and look at herself and tells herself how fat and disgusting she looks; TRAGIC.

thes subtopic is slightly longer lah. so i seperated into two paragraphs. another way you hurt the fat people is by saying or joking with them about how fat they are. the conversation is always like this:-

normal : ehh chocolate! don't eat la you're already fat enough.
fatty : AHAHAH i tak kisah la. lagi gemuk takpe. sikit jer punn.

*inside, the fatty feels damnnnn hurt, insulted and feels like he/she's been stabbed right in the stomach where all the negativeness comes from BUT agrees with the normal person because if one step goes wrong, the normal person would start hating the fatty and telling everyone around that the fatty is too sensitive and TAK SEDAR DIRI TU GEMUK. but the thing is, we know who we are. maybe if you say it once it's still considerable but it gets more annoying and hurtful when the normal or skinny person has to RUB IT IN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.*

6)plus sizes are only found in certain places.
it's already hurtful enough that they have to seperate the plus sizes and the normal sized clothes. and any fat girl who desires to buy nice girl clothes from all the popular brands have to get the clothes from the MEN'S section if they were desperate enough for a nice shirt or whatever. and what's the deal with plus sizes only being available in certain places??!! and almost EVERYTHING sold in PLUS SIZES are either sickly coloured or last 5 season's designs. which is so saddening. and i don't get why models are only skinny or normal sized. no offence to models or modelling agencies but isn't it time that plus sized girls get what designs they want from their favourite dream labels in the sizes that would actually fit them?? i mean when you look at magazines or something, you see the skinny or normal sized girls modelling for the clothes and stuff. what does the fat person model for? i wouldn't call it modelling but it's for PIMPLE ADs or anything to do with food. it's totally discriminating fat people and making them lose their self-confidence even more. as it is they are already sad with all the comments they get about being fat or obese. give fat girls and guys chances to FEEL BEAUTIFUL, SEE BEAUTIFUL AND BE BEAUTIFUL. and when it's only skinny people or normal sized people who model stuff in magazines which FYI FAT PEOPLE DO BUY TOO (they have no other choice), they would straight away lose hope in buying the clothes that they know would never have the same kind in their sizes. and what do they look at? the accessories or shoes. and when fat girls have nice accessories and wear them coz their outdated clothes are so ugly that they wanna cover the ugliness up, any nasty bitch would say the fat girl is trying to be pretty. WHAT THE HELL. you think only skinny or normal sized people are pretty is it??!! oh and the talent agencies or whatever give out fliers saying:-

MODELLING JOB

fair, pretty malay girls with long hair wanted for next photoshoot with company X for it's new product. first come first serve basis. be punctual.

*referring to that story, so a fat girl decides it's time to make a change and goes to the model choosing thing and she's considered late. suddenly, pretty SKINNY perfect girl comes in late and she straight away get's on to the second stage for the callbacks.

7)FAT PEOPLE don't really go to private parties
fat people are rarely invited to private parties or functions. if it's something they have to pay for they might get lucky to not fall into the "oops! all sold out" trick. seriously. i mean there's this friend you might have in school that you're really nice to and he or she is fat. you decide NOT to invite them coz you'd be ashamed of having a FAT FRIEND. and the fat one just looks at all the people talking about the party or the handing out of the invitations, and even the pictures after the party is over. gila shit kan? i mean what kind of friend would be ashamed of their own friend? and fat people might only get in if it were something where the skinny or normal sized person would invite the whole class or if you're related or if you're the best friend's boyfriend or girlfriend or a member of the performing band or anything to do with being connected to somebody popular.



i know you people might think what i've posted is bullshit but if you really think hard you would know that it's true. i'm not saying that skinny or normal sized people are bad people, i have many friends who are skinny and normal sized and heck, they're great but when i see what others and sometimes what i've experienced is totally similar and hurtful, i have to write about this.

see you people next time. BYEBYE.<33

my life so far

truthfully, my life is turning into shit every single day.
dahla after breaking up with amer, his cousin bugged me and amer totally insulted me, and guy after guy that i tried to like are all either blurcases, assholes or people who like other people. so i've made a conclusion that there's no point in liking any guy right now. maybe i'd be better off just looking at the guy. JUST LOOKING.

okay since i haven't blogged for so long, i shall start with camp.

1)PRS CAMP

PRS camp was awesome!!! in the beginning it was kinda boring. i got stuck in a bus where the people who were in the bus are those i barely even see in school. SAD MUCH? yes, VERY. anywhoo, i went in the bus and i heard someone say "hey, back seats are for form 5's and 4's only. dah book!" so i made my way to the back. EVERY FUCKING SEAT WAS FUCKING TAKEN. aku bukan form 5 lah kan??!! "FUCKERS." the only word running through my mind at the moment. so i had to sit all the way in the front next to some guy who i didn't even know existed in the school!! luckily, i moved to sit next to my junior Dalilah in form 3, not that i'm close to her, but we do talk. HAHAH. and she's really nice.(:

we reached Fraser's Hill and checked in and i was happy to rush to Michelle, Sabira and Marcia. we were in the same room! we were with Nyat Syen, Annuura, Filzah, Naqiah, Whey Jinn, Khairina, Liyana and Kim! it was loads of fun tau! anywhoo, we had to go to the hall for a briefing then moved on to the town. we had to WALK there. and when we reached there the food took so long that almost everyone that went there cancelled their orders and had nasi lemak from the stalls kat tepi jalan. but it was good. hey, anything's good when you're hungry.

we played games and stuff. well i won't really go into too much detail anymore coz i have so much to blog about. the roomies were fun! we danced, sang, stayed up doing nothing. well, we did talk a lot though. what was talked about in the room, stayed in the room. and it ain't coming out!;p

i miss fraser's hill so much la. will put it in my head to go there again someday with friends.(:

Group 8. RRRRR&B. 2nd place overall!:D
The BEST roomies you could ask for.


2)LAYERED HAIRCUT

never in my life have i ever had my hair cut layered. and it was blow dried curly!! but that only lasted until the same night. i hated it at first coz it made my hair look straighter and i missed my waves! but in the end i started to like it coz it's easier to take care of and stuff. my grandmother still doesn't like it, especially now that i moved my fringe to the left side and not the right(it's longer and covers my eyes. NOW YOU KNOW WHY) she calls it curtain. but i seldom let down my fringe nowadays. i just leave it clipped up. okay i guess i should stop with the hair issue.

MOVING ON..


3)ON WANTING A CAT SO BADLY

i've always wanted my own cat. KITTEN to be precise. i mean they're so cute!! especially those with blue eyes. HAHAH. i even asked my driver how it's like to take care of so many cats. he used to have like 10 cats. i mean 2 cats and 8 kittens. then 6 dies.):
all his cats are persian and the mother damn sombong son't wanna feed the kittens. it's only fortunate that the living 2 are still existing. and their food is kinda expensive for a student to be buying la. HAHAH. so i would just take a cat taht i think is affordable and cute. Sabira was telling me she could help me get a cat. a cute one!:D
and i asked mama if i could have one. and based on my care towards the hamsters; she agreed! i'm a sucker for cats and hamsters. and cute puppies too! too bad i can't have one though i used to have 2 big dogs in the house which were older than me. one dies, one ran away. THANK GOD it ran away. it used to bite my pants.-.-"
will get back to them feline stories later.

4)EXAMS.

okay so the exams are just around the corner. no, the exams are right in front of me. and one day when i started to actually listen to my discipline teacher coz i was not feeling well and was gila, i heard her say something about the results of this exam would help for when i wanna go to college. which made me really wanna study for this one though there's so much to study. ALL form 4 topics and a few from form 5. damn i can't imagine when SPM comes.
monday monday monday. dahla i have to sit next to the door, i think. or the other side. LOL.XD

wishing everyone who will be sitting for exams soon "GOOD LUCK WITH THAT". wish me luck.*chokes*

5)ON FEELING AKWARD

well since i broke up, i felt great! even my friends say i'm more vibrant, cheerful, blablabla everything that goes with the chapter. but day after day, i keep feeling EMPTY. seriously. it's not that i miss anyone in particular. i just miss being loved by a special person. you know, the feeling you have when you're in love with a person and that person treats you the way that makes you feel extra special in life. GOD, i miss the feeling. and now each time i feel like i'm in love with a guy, it's either he confesses to me that he likes her and is willing to wait for or keeps asking me how to get her to like him and stuff. it hurts so badly. and now when my friends from my old school wanna go out it would be their chance to go out with their boyfriends and they would want me to come along coz they barely see me anymore but i always DON'T wanna be there. it would feel akward, it has always been akward. whenever i go out with them is always the time i'm not in a relationship or having problems in one. SHIT. well enough stupid talk. we shall get on to the most interesting part of this entry.

6)MATT PROKOP

when you hear or read the name, you'd start laughing when you see the last name. but i swear to God that he's HOT HOT HOT!!! he's acted in an episode of Hannah Montana, The Office, Marked, An Angel Named Billy and he's currently acting for High School Musical 3. i mean now i actually REALLY WANT TO WATCH IT. coz he'll be in it!! argh he's totally cute!

a picture's worth a thousand words. here's 3000 for you.(:

The SEXY HAIR, EYES, EVERYTHING!

I thank God for such a beautiful creation.

*drools* lost for words.(:

i'm not exactly done but i gotta sleep coz i'm not feeling well. see you people tmrw. byebyebye.




OHH!!! before i totally forget.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ZHAFRIE.


xxoo.