This is What I'm Going Through.

Can't Move On-Automatic Loveletter.

You build a heart
that's strong
Walls to last long
Its paper mache

You think the

battle's won

No use for shields
And guns
You'll need them now
That the lump takes a
home in your throat
With the words that
You're choking
as you try
To tell yourself its ok
Flying by time to gaze
But never face

You're stuck in the moment when you thought you were rolling

But you cant move on

You feel like you're able to love past the moment

But you cant move on

Asking why asking why why i cant move on

You can't go please stay
No don't stay go
I'm left I'm right
I'm black I'm white

You ride a carrousel
round and round till
the sickness grows inside

that lump takes a strangling hold
squeezes tight till you're cold and tears run dry and where you once were worm now is tattered and torn crumbles and fades

You're stuck in the moment when you thought you were rolling

But you cant move on

You feel like you're able to love past the moment

But you cant move on

Asking why asking why why i cant move on

Incomplete
Typical reaction
I can't get over over
Over you

This is how the story goes
Glory in the moment

You can't move on
cant move on
cant move on

oh i can't move on

You're stuck in the moment when you thought you were rolling

But you cant move on

You feel like you're able to love past the moment

But you cant move on

Asking why asking why why i cant move on

xx.

ItsHardToMoveOn.

I Never Knew It Could Be This Hard

Its hurting me.

My heart is failing me.

I'm telling myself to stop.

Stop loving you more and more each day.

But it's hard.

It hurts too much.

I've fallen hard.

I didn't know I could be so weak.

I've never been so smitten with someone that doesn't love me back.

Why is this feeling so hard to conquer?

Each time I talk to you, it makes me fall for you even more.

But I don't want to stop talking to you.

I freaking LOVE you.

It's just gonna hurt me more if i stop talking to you.

I can't even tell you the truth.

I'm not afraid of rejection.

I've been rejected so many times that I'm used to it.

But being rejected by you would be hurtful.

And I don't want to lose you as a great friend.

I don't want to stop hanging out with you.

I don't want us to be awkward with each other.

So what am I going to do?

I'm going to keep quiet about this matter.

I'm not going to let you know.

Let me and the very little that know keep it as a secret.

Let me feel tha pain of seeing you with whichever girl wins your heart next.

Let me see you happy with her.

Let me see you smile at me because you know I'll always be there for you as your friend.

I Love You.

HeadOverHeels.♥♥

Why You? Why Now?

That feeling has come back to haunt me again.

Why now?

Why YOU??!!

I mean I know why, but how did I possibly fall for you.

Maybe you're you, thats why.

You're not afraid to show yourself to anyone and everyone.You're not the type of guy who likes to be egoistic and hide who you really are inside.

You don't brag about stuff.

You're you.

And I like it.

But how could I?

I know you, and you would NEVER fall for me.

Only looking at you can give me a smile on my face.

It hurts.

It really does.

This feels crappy.

I don't ever wanna lose you so why am I falling for you?

Why couldn't I have tricked myself into liking someone else before falling for you?

And now I'm completely lovestruck, but I don't know what to do.

You're a nice guy.

But I hate myself for falling for you.

I mean, ME and YOU??

Its never gonna happen.

Not ever.

Heartbroken.

I'm Ready.

This is it. I'm ready. This time, no backing out. I refuse to be the cowardly girl who gets pushed around for trying to keep a person happy no matter how bad the person treats me.

I have decided that I need to toughen up. Stop being such a wuss and admitting defeat each time I find the easy way out by blaming myself for something which I clearly know nothing of. I have to stop being so gullible as to listen to everyone's rambling and gossip and believing them. I have to stop believing that I can trust a person because we have so much in common and are so close because I know now that things which are too good to be true, are actually the things that make things worse.

I am sick and tired of being kicked around whether it is by my peers or even my elders. It doesn't seem fair that I always have to be at fault and other people can behave so slyly that it provokes others to see them as a more superior person compared to myself. I do not possess any powers, I do not posses any abnormalities which makes me some superior being but I do know that I have the strength and will power to think properly when holding up a conversation as to see whether what I'm hearing is right or wrong.

I have also decided that from now on, there is no possible way that I will ever allow myself to ever trust someone wholeheartedly. Not even HALFheartedly. I do not understand why some of my friends who have known me longer can start trusting someone they met through me and listen to all the bull crap they have to offer which totally gives me a bad image and the other person gets to keep a straight face. But not for long. God himself has shown me signs which eventually lead me to finding out whatever your evil scheme is this time. You should know by now that this is how it works. In this time of our lives, we DO NOT live in our high school years anymore where most people can be more dominant than some. Everybody is the same and nobody cares if you're prettier, richer or even bitchier. But too bad for you if you choose to be bitchy, it just gets you nowhere. You'll end up living with no friends, which is pretty much happening already for someone I know. Tsk tsk. Such a pity. It was so nice knowing you.

THAT up there was what I set in my mind for future friendships to come. For now, I know who I love and I know the people who love me.

BOYS. To me, boys are cowards now. I've had quite a few boys who flirted with me and even confessed that they loved me but did not want to take our friendship to the next level. Don't worry guys, I know why. Its because I'm fat. Introducing me to your friends who have girlfriends the size of twigs and less would make you feel embarrassed that you have a fat girlfriend. Not pretty too, at that. I don't care, because to me, those who are scared of that are stereotypically challenged people who have no other worries in life except showing off what they can find, even if they don't love the person. To those who love them, I understand and I respect that. But to those who are so shy to show the person they truly love to the world, that's just plain stupid.

So, to those guys who are so scared to hold my hand in public and make excuses such as "my mom's friends will see us" and so on, I say SCREW YOU. May you have a happy life regretting your loss.

I'm happy with my life right now and I think this change that I'm slowly developing is actually making me stronger in a way. Well, I guess I need some shut eye right now. Travelling around to look for Damansara while going through the same toll twice with Nadya in the awfully crowded jam made me really drowzy.

Raya coming!

Prepare those angpows you've been saving up to give me yeah, darlings.

ilypsfm.

xxoo,

Adrienne.♥♥